Monday, May 5, 2014

Half and Half

I'm so at war with myself. 

Half of me is giddy and excited and pumped and thrilled beyond belief that I get to go on this adventure this summer. The other half is in despair because I won't get to see the ones I love for what seems like the longest time. I just want to scream at myself and say, "Pick an emotion!" Sometimes I hate being a girl for that reason...

I know which half of me is the better half. Obviously the positive one. But it's so much easier to be pessimistic! I guess that's just who I am. I always think about the sad things or the terrible things. I worry. I have a doubtful heart. I don't trust that God will help me get through this. And that's stupid. 

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

Why am I so pessimistic about this adventure when I have a God who says He will be with me through it all? It's funny how easily I forget all the wonderful ways God has penetrated my life with His love time after time. I think back to when I just got back from my trip to Australia and how I absolutely hated the thought of staying in Tennessee and not getting to see the ocean for a while. I think back to when I cried myself to sleep for who knows how long because I couldn't take the pain of being away from what I loved. I think back to when I struggled through parts of school just because of how consumed I was in wanting to be near the ocean doing what God had called me to do.

So how can I remotely even consider being sad about this trip? Seriously. I would have killed for this opportunity a few years back. I should be crying tears of joy for this gift God has given me. And I sometimes do. I need to appreciate these moments in life. Not just focus on the bad. 

How blessed am I...

No comments:

Post a Comment